Monday, March 12, 2012

Still Waiting-another true story

My life was never a fairy tale. I didn't have a very happy childhood. I didn’t have a very happy life. All my boyfriends left me after three months. I felt cursed. I am twenty years old and I don’t know if the problem lies with me or my family. All I know is that I have problems with them and I have given them so much pain.
I was very sad with my life and I wasn’t thinking
properly. I met a guy who was introduced by a friend. After a week, I got pregnant with his baby. My sad life became sadder. My life became filled with darkness. I even asked God for the reason for keeping me alive. Why had he not taken my life away from me? I felt so worthless that I thought I would be better off dying than to experience more pain. The father of my baby doesn't love me and we got married because my parents forced him to do so. I tried very hard to gain his love for a year after marriage even though he has plenty of girls and he often shows them off to me right in my face. One day, I couldn’t take it anymore. I told him not to come back as I didn't want him to stay with me again. He did just that. I went back to college and tried to finish my studies so that I can get a job to support my daughter. I love my baby so much and I want to give her all the love that I can even though I'm just a single parent. I was very glad when I graduated from college. Ever since then, I dedicate my life to my baby. That was two years and three months after I got separated from the baby’s father. Deep in my heart, I wish that one day, God will give me someone who will love me for who I am, accept me, my baby, my past and love me forever. I am always praying for that as I just want to be happy.
On May 16th 2009, I logged on to MySpace and kept myself online while I was cleaning my house. A guy named Rising sent me a message telling me that he wants to know me better and would like to get my number and email address so we could talk. I thought there was no harm and agreed. However, I did not take the guy seriously as his profile states that he is from London and he is handsome like a model. To sum it up, he is very gorgeous and I didn’t think he would be interested in me. I gave him my email address and we start chatting. He asked me if I could be his girlfriend. I thought he was trying to play games with me. I hesitated at first but decided to give it a try. I reminded myself to set boundaries and not to get too serious as he might just be toying with me. When we chatted the next day, he told me he was very happy when I agreed to be his girlfriend. The conditions are if I found out he’s just fooling around and toying with me, the relationship will end. He promised that he will be true to me.
Since that day, he has kept to his promise. I felt loved even though our main form of communications was only through chatting online, short text messages or phone calls. He introduced me to his parents and I was able to talk to them online. Both his parents were nice and sweet people. They kept telling me how much their son like talking about me. Our relationship continued for four months. We talked about everything and he promised to visit me after he graduates from college in October. He is the sweetest and nicest person I have ever met. He would send me text messages just to tell me that he loves me. He would call me in the middle of the night just to tell that he couldn't sleep because he was thinking about me. In the course of our relationship, I have learned to love him. The boundaries I set were gone. I loved him so much. I never thought that I am capable of loving a person that much even though I haven't met him personally. I have only seen him in pictures and on webcam. We would chat everyday. Even though he was busy, he would find time to talk to me everyday, even if it was just for thirty minutes. We made it a point to at least talk to each other everyday since we are miles away.
He called me in September and said that he could come by earlier. He said he will be here on the September 29th instead of the second week of October. We were very happy and excited as we looked forward to being together at last. He proposed a marriage and I gladly accepted it. I knew he was the right person for me. He promised that he would never leave me and he would love me forever. He often tells me that only death can set us apart. For the first time in my life, I felt so loved, treasured and cared for. I felt so blessed. I thank God for hearing my prayers and giving him to me. He is an answered prayer.
We chatted again on September 28th, the day before his flight. It was morning in his country and he told me that his flight was at 8.00 p.m. However, he was in a hurry to leave. He told me that he has to prepare for his flight.
I remembered saying, "Honey, please don't leave me yet."
He replied, "Ok honey, I will stay."
He went on to tell me that his parents were already preparing for our wedding and he had bought an engagement ring for me. His mom also gave him her wedding ring for us. I was surprised but very happy. He told me that we would be married in three weeks time. At that point of time, I felt that I was the happiest woman in the world.
Before he left, I told him that I will be waiting for him at the airport and he said, "Honey, don't be late."
The day that I have been waiting for came on September 29th. I didn’t get enough sleep as I was too excited but I still woke up early. I arrived at the airport at 9.00 a.m. I was early as he said he would arrive at 11.00 a.m. However, he did not arrived on time. I waited till 7.00 p.m. in the evening and he was still not here. I became very nervous and worried. I tried unsuccessfully to contact him and his best friend via their cell phones. I ended up crying in the restroom as I was so worried about him. I left the airport at 9.00 p.m. as there was still no sign of him. I felt tired and worried as he didn't show up. It never occurred to me that he did not make his way over or that he had fooled me. I felt that something had happened and I was really worried. I cried for a couple of days.
I was in the office on October 1st when I received an offline message from his dad.
“Hello my daughter,
How are you doing today? This is Rising's father and I will like to inform you right now I am in West Africa, Nigeria because I received a call that my son and his best friend Michael had a car accident on the way to your country and my son died instantly. Michael is still in the hospital. Hence, I will like to inform you that you have to go back to your husband so that he can take care of your baby because your baby needs a father. Right now, I have lost all that I have in this world and I do not know want to do. I cannot let my only son to just leave me like that. Michael told me that before Rising died, he said that you should go back to your husband so that he can take care of your baby and that he loves you very much. He is sorry he didn't get to buy your baby very nice things that he promised. My daughter, I am writing to you with tears in my eyes as I have been crying but I realized that no matter how long I cry, it cannot bring my son back. I will like you to be strong okay? You can mail me if you need anything. Bye for now."
I felt numbed at that moment. Then, I burst out in tears. I didn’t care if my office mates saw me crying. I was shaking while I read his dad's message and I didn’t know where to go. I wanted to run to him, see him and talk to him. I wanted his dad to take back all what he had just said and tell me it’s all a lie. How can my love leave me just like that? How can God take back the gift that he just gave me? We haven’t even started to fulfill our plans and dreams together.
I felt like a very big part of me died that day. I never felt that alone. I never felt that cold. I cried day and night. I talked to his picture and asked his spirit to show up or even just appear in my dreams so we could talk. I couldn't move on. I love him so much. I didn't know why God has to take away that happiness he just gave me. Why did he have to take away that true love that just came?
I didn’t know if fate played a cruel trick on me. His dad updated me on what happened via email on September 29th but it was sent into my spam mail instead of inbox. His dad gave me an offline message because he said I did not respond.
Since he died, I continued sending him messages everyday. I also sent him emails. It keeps my hopes up for a reply from him. It's like I'm holding on to a thread but I can't stop. I don't want to stop. I want him to know that I love him so much and nothing has changed. Up till now, I still didn’t understand why god took Rising away from me. Why did my love leave me and not keep his promise?
My life is not a fairy tale. Fairy tales are only found in story books. However, I knew that in the short span of four months, I have experienced a fairy tale; my very own fairy tale. Even if it's not a happily ever after, I know I have met my prince charming and he gave me a lot of happiness in my life. He gave me only what true love can give and it is the love Rising gave me.
By Jean Gray

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